You are my first love...I saved my all for you..I gave my all to you. I used caution with every man that came into my life, I was extra careful not to give them what I was saving for my first love.."MY HEART"...I kept it locked up tight, behind fences and barbed wire..up in an emotional tower..so high..that only my "true love" would have the time and energy to capture it, and then I met you. You found your way through all the traps I had set for the "imposters", you broke down every wall I had up and braved the impossible heights of my emotional tower to capture "my heart"....but what was it all for? what was all that hard work for??
❤ I LOVE YOU❤ .....but no one has hurt me more than you, and no one ever will...I am getting sick of having so many emotional battles with myself because of you.....You have betrayed me in the worst kind of way...Why did you put so much time and effort into a relationship you were planning on abandoning in the end? Why do you keep coming in and out of my life? Giving me "tests" to see if I really do love you. I am just hoping and praying that one day you will wake up and realize that life is not a big game....I hope you see the casualties of your wreck less behavior....I hope you CRY when you realize the pain you have inflicted ☹
"You and I can never work because you love OUR son more than anyone" is what you said to me
"But I LOVED you more than ANYONE" I said
"Exactly...LOVED..so how can we work?" was your reply
MENTAL WARFARE is the ONLY form of communication you know
I DESPISE the mental warfare you inflict on me...I wish you could just clear your mind and figure out what you want before you fire at me with your verbal ammunition! I am drained...you accuse me of loving our son more than you..but he needs the love I give him to survive and become twice the man you are...he is the only male I trust my broken heart with.
YOU are the only man that has the ability to get under my skin and stay there, why do I let you have such control over me??!!! No matter how much I have tried I can't wash you out of my senses!!! I wish I had a crystal ball...how does this end?
I can choose the ending...but do I have COURAGE to make that decision??
YOU...still linger in every part of me..what can I do?
U made me cry tonight :( Cry because I want to be there crying with you or hugging you or taking a quick trip somewhere else so that you can try and breathe....
ReplyDeleteThe raw honesty of this post made me so fired up that I copied (took a pic with my iPhone) this post and sent it to my "you-know-who".
He is only giving you excuses that to why he knows that he is not deserving of your love and life. He is trying to convince you to give up so that in some weird, unlaughable, terrible game, he will win. And winning the battles in between are his way of keeping his control. He loves the chase. Plain and simple. HE loves the chase, he loves the constant attention, and the second it's diverted to someone else including your son, he'll say or do anything to quickly grab for it again.
He knows that the "happiness" he has been playing around with and looking for is not a lasting happiness. It's a fantasy. ANd he knows that. But he will try to convince himself that he's deserving of his fantasy for who knows what reasons!!
And yes, love your son. Love your son and teach him to be different. He needs you the most, not the other boy who claims that he needs love too. He gets love from whenever and whomever he wants. What he needs is not love, but tough love. THe kind of love that will make him break because it's the only way he'll change and see things different. THe kind of love that is only expressed through silence, a cold shoulder, and a hardened heart because that is what he wanted. He wanted silence, he wanted freedom, and he didn't want to feel quilty about breaking a heart.
Your right in the end. It is all your choice. Little do you know, you have the ball in your court. He doesn't see it because you give him the ball or let him play with it. Don't let him take the ball, show him that you choose what court YOU want to play on. And playing on his court is irritz and boring already. Time to play a fair game, not a roller coaster one :)
You can make the decision. YOu have the courage, the hardest part it taking the first few steps.